Life is weird…when we over estimate ourselves we get nothing…and like me if u underestimate yourself, you again get nothing…But how do you know which is the level you are at…
My best friends and my mom always say that I take things negatively and that I always underestimate myself…well they were right. A message from my best friend one night changed my thinking…Like a selfish pig I always want her to stay with me and be by my side….so I agreed to do what she suggested me to…She is never wrong and her 6th sense is SO never wrong…Whatever she’s been telling me from past 8 months just came true…Anyways, I never believed her coz I never thought I was good enough or positive in thinking…
Something’s in the past few weeks were good as well as bad… Now I honestly don’t know what I thought was wrong or right…I hide my emotions is true and I am okay with it….Well wait a minute I guess not…I have realized that…but I am still wondering and working upon it…if I should let it show or not…
Sometimes you want something and you hope it would be with you with time…or maybe you hope that the things may go the way they are without any disturbance and the moment going on could last long enough to make things strong for it to last longer in future. Most of the people don’t think that way and hence that moment crashes with needs and falls apart, leaving us with nothing…
When the things you hate the most revolves around you to make you feel worse again and again…the pain inside starts to fade away or maybe we get use to it and feel numb... I am in such a situation right now… Everything in my life now, honestly SUCKS….nothing is falling into place….I am in a total lost situation….Like even if you are having a single problem or two is okay but in my case I am bombarded with at least 12-13 problems now… All the things I wanted, want and will want have slipped away… I have had dreams of all my 13 problems to be fulfilling but some friends broke the trust, some people didn’t approach, some figures went wrong, time wasn’t right, I haven’t put in much effort, chose wrong people, chose wrong ways, kept things inside and a lot more… The worst problem…which is not a problem but a wound perhaps is a three story mixed in one…1 person knows 2 stories and the other 2 know all the 3 stories… Now why on this planet God is so unfair so let 2 people know 3 stories and the one who should know the 3 stores knows only 2 of them…..1 person is innocent, 1 is sacrificing and the other one too cunning…Whatever!
After like so many problems which are “actual problems”, the real ones and not the ones I make up for myself…. I am seriously tired of sulking, crying, hurting, cutting, attempting suicide etc… No one cares honestly and the biggest truth is that the people or the things you do it for, don’t even give a damn. So why punishing myself…? I never punish myself for others but for my mistakes. I wonder why do I even care for the things that matter the least. Ah maybe that is me… So after my best friends text message and my zillion of genuine problems… I didn’t hurt myself… Yes I cried thrice and had a low day too but when you tell everything to your best friends and you mom, everything feels okay… they support you and show you the right way… They help you get out of such situations which are of course too hard to do but you have to do it, no choice is given…
For the first time in my life I felt that I am a nice person and that I have so many people who love me coz they see the true me, who I am…. I am a nice person and that I have never realized it before. I do understand things and act like a grown up nowadays…. I hide my actual emotions and pretend to be happy…. At least for a while I make people happy, divert myself from the negative things happening in life and think positive. My best friends and my mom are proud of what I have done… I actually turned out to be a true human today who sacrifices and compromises and smiles in pain… I have a few best people in my life and maybe that’s why I am tested again and again. I am proud of myself for what I have done and trust me it feels so much better now, kinda guilt free…And for the first time, I’m so happy for the person I am today. I feel lucky to be born as a human.
I thank the universe creator for everything!
The story behind the the whole thing which made me a good person will be comming soon! ;P
Well,wats the story behind it??
ReplyDeletemaking you a good person !
Well you gotta read the ~change~ blog of mine...i know its still half way undone...but i will resume to it soon! :)
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