I wish!

On and Off and On!

Hola!
College started yesterday…well not officially but kinda yes! It has started…
Well the shocking news of this semester was that our principal got changed…its our physics professor who is going to serve as our principal now onwards…
Sports are like, in, this season…I guess…so my college has sports day going on…
I like to play sports but I amnt a good player…See if u have read my previous blogs you might have known by now that I love to do a lot of things but I am good at nothing….

Yesterday at college I went to sign on my attendance sheet…that’s it…all lectures were canceled due to sports day….
I always thought that my class in college sucks…it does but for a change I kinda enjoyed yesterday….we, I mean most of my classmates, both girls and boys….we played PIIT musical something….okay so…everyone got a chance to sing songs and it was fun…we were singing the cheapest songs on this planet….its fun, sometimes, seriously….
So we were kicked out by some BMS professor and hence forth…no singing….
We went to play hide and seek…damn fun….i was becoming the person who finds everyone who hides, all the time…like in a row 5 times…everyone on the architecture wing in the old canteen were laughing at me…but as if I care….hehehe…im so good at being awful at everything…
We played for long…again got kicked by some other professor…trust me it was a scene…everyone’s ID card was in danger…we ran outta the college and dashed ourselves into a car and my friend drove all the girls to the nearest park..guys were on foot….it was awesome…we played chain-chain…and I don’t suck at it trust me....ehehhahaha…then after halftime we played kho-kho…Oh! Man I was loving every moment playing at the park….then we had a discussion about our band….i don’t think its ever going to exist but yea everyone does…anyways…Later on we all went to watch my friends play cricket…you know what, I love to go and cheer my friends in whatever they do…be it in sports, debate, writings, gig, paintings or whatever…I always go to cheer them…I love my friends and I feel good to have such friends who participate in so many things….it was fun to watch everyone play…..i know girls are not much into sports but the ones who try are the real heroines and I love them for that…
So anyway…I found something bad rather not good enough about the popular students in my college and it wasn’t good enough to know that some of them were my friends…See, when someone says something about some of your friends, you either go against them or listen from on ear and throw it from the other….But its kinda hard to ignore when they prove you by pointing fingers and showing things live…..anyways!
Things yesterday with my best friend was bad for me…she asked me to do something which I always try to do but fail in doing….she counted on my myself respect…so I had to have my self-respect and do what she said…coz she wasn’t wrong.
That was so yesterday…and here the song continues….
Your So yesterday…so yesterday…im just a bird that’s already flown away…laugh it off…let it go away…come tomorrow…it will seem so yesterday so yesterday…haven’t you heard that im gonna be okay…O-K-A-Y!

So today….
I got up at 6 as usual…I woke up and figured out a disaster about myself….i thought I couldn’t play but I am just weird or something…I went to play…I went to play soccer for a team…A team I don’t know and never met…there was this guy whom ive never seen called me up and asked me to wear a red tee and play for his team…you know I don’t like embarrassing myself….but hell yea! I always go to embarrass myself….so here I wore a red tee and looked at the watch and said… “its tomorrow”….. my lazy ass was working real slow this morning…. And I was in a pathetic state of break down….
Anyways I just ran a bath and tied up my hair and whatever and got ready….
During my first semester I used to catch 6:46am local but the times have changed….i now catch a 7:9am local which comes at 7:6am….So tried hard to catch that local and as soon as I reached….i saw it passing by me…what the hell??? I waited for the next local and it was late and I left at 7:25am from my station.
I was alone in the train..i don’t usually stand next to the door especially in the mornings….its cold out here…but I don’t know…I just felt something was wrong with me…like something was missing…I passed kharghar station and some old memories came into mind…I saw that house and I tried not to look at it…I just don’t know…it felt like last February, when we all were preparing for our boards and everything before and after just flashed back to back during the whole journey…I felt alone for a while…like something could have held me back….It was cold…the air around me was chilling cold…I almost felt numb…I should have gone inside but I wanted to become numb and the pain…standing at the door I just wished that the pain I was facing could go away on its own or by something or someone…I felt empty, rather hollow and I could see everything passing through me…like the fresh and cold air…this feeling just doesn’t go away…it come again and again and haunts me, I don’t know why…I wish this feeling could just go away…but I guess nothings magical…so anyway…I watched people jogging, people taking their dogs for long walk, mother holding hands of her cute little daughter to leave her to school, old people playing with a tennis ball, tall grass, a small river and lots of under construction buildings…I don’t know I just felt like one of those under constructed buildings and in no time I read PANVEL in bold …I reached by 7:40am and saw my friends waiting for me…no one rushed to the college…no one wants to go anyway…I sat for chemistry lecture….BTW..a good news…my class has shifted from 3rd floor to 2nd floor…I am SO loving it! Yea yea!
So anyway…later on I went to the field and a guy called me…then he made me meet my team mates….they were all F.E students but I haven’t seen any of them before for sure….So our match was the first one…
In my college there is a rule that a girl should play for 2 mins in both the halves of the match and I went to play for 2 mins….my team mates were really nice…I liked them…my teams name was DAVID something…everyone says that this named guy was the biggest chain smoker in the world….anyways…as if I know…I played for the first half and second half….my team lost….but still I loved my team…I was asked by 3 more teams to play for them…for 2 mins….i don’t know what I was thinking…I just went…A big embarrassing day it was for me….but I don’t know….i still don’t feel embarrassed…like…I should…but I don’t…I wanted to play…I played…I don’t care even if I suck at it…I just wanted play…coz I just felt like….i enjoyed I donoo what…but I just did…I wish there were no spectators…
I guess I have got AIDS…I know sounds like what???....its like people from my college were plucking/getting/todofying coconuts from the trees of our college…I love to talk to anyone….i just need someone to talk to…I asked him if he could share coconuts with me…he got a piece of the inner creamy layer of the coconut for me and i had it…Later my friend made me see his hand and it was bleeding…like a small cut was there…now if he has AIDS then I have it too… 
Later on I saw couple of matches and it was fun….i saw tug of war between the college staff….it was hilarious….just made my day….
Treat in the canteen from cutest looking girl today coz she got like…almost got her license…Again I went to see matches…I met my school friend…we were in the same class in 10th and later in 11th and 12th he took commerce but still the same school bus made us stay in touch….So I watched an amazing game called actual match with the best team of Mumbai and it was fun..i even found him some girls he would like to date and guess what….he liked one and the story continues…I SO love finding guys, girlfriends…it was fun with him…it was like back during the school days…the same fun…hes still the same…just too cool…we had lodsa fun….

Later I caught 1 something local and I so loved today…. Like today in the college…
Later I went into a local and saw a female…she was very old….like running in her 80’s I guess…her hands were rigid and of weird shape…she was all dirty…torn clothes and tangled hair…she needed help and she was begging…she just had this weird eyes which wanted to say so many things…ive never noticed so much about someone but she surely was a different one…she looked as if she had not had food since long…she didn’t even have enough clothes to cover her breast and I felt really bad for…I don’t like people suffering…I just got up and got down from the train…I don’t know what went wrong…but something surely did…

I don’t know whats wrong with me…nowadays I just go on and off like a switch…I go real high and then real low…I don’t know…im just so not consistent…there are a million reasons behind this mood change of mine…I just don’t wanna sit and sort things out…I guess I am trying to run away from them…I always try to take harsh and hard steps but the situation puts me into such conditions that I fail to imply them…I just hope everything goes okay with me…

Just wanna say…
Okay!

Do you know why I blog so much?

The reason is that I like to talk about stuffs around me…I just cant stay quite and bored…my mom is tired of listening to me from past 19 years…I have so much to talk about…but everyone on this planet is so busy in their own life doing their own things…I don’t have a boyfriend and my best friends stay in other cities…So on phone I cant tell them what all is going on completely…and at college you know there is nothing happening…rather no one I like to talk to…So to achieve satisfaction I blog…I know nobody reads much of them except a few friends of mine who have nothing to do, so to kill their time they read my blogs…I just feel good re-calling the stuffs in my life…I feel so happy, light and positive…what a change this year has brought to me…I am just happy! I feel good and I love myself so much.

Love
Love
Love

The Cashew Finger made my vacation! :p

So here ends my Winter-exam-break.
By now, after reading my other blogs you might have known that I don’t have many...rather any one to hang out much…so what I do is stay at home, facebook, sleep, watch “How I met your mother”, Movies, play guitar, spend hours on phone with my best friends and old friends, writing these crappy blogs, playing guitar….Before this vacation I had wasted all my other vacations doing nothing except sulking so I didn’t want this to be a waste like before and I wanted it to be constructive…so I listed a few things I had to do and im glad since the vacations have come to and end, I see I have done most of the things that I had listed…
I always am honest to myself and to everyone around…so I wanted to see how honest I could be to myself and realize the life I have got is filled with what…I wrapped myself and collected all the memories and everything of my life and wrote a blog “That green red frock”…That was something I wanted to write and i thank everyone for everything and myself to realize who I am and what I have…the next thing on my list was to get an electric guitar and I got one…hahaha…anyways…then I planned to watch the large number of movies I had and I just saw I guess 1/4th of the large collection but I saw all the 3 seasons of ‘How I met your mother’ and I am looking forward to the 4th season…I learnt a lot of stuffs in music…I read my writer friend’s blogs…I learnt how to cook some awesome new dishes…I was waiting for this one…I had this plan to go out with my friends to Bandra…I went…and guess what I didn’t cut myself even once this year…like by now I would have made at least 3 cuts in a month but hey im doing good I guess…I got extensions…I wanted them so badly…I filled up the second semester form…I went to meet orphanage kids…
Now the things I didn’t complete…I was looking forward to write a song with my friend….but I guess I don’t know much about music so I have to learn that first and then look forward for that to happen…I didn’t read the books which I wanted to…”the white tiger” and…”two cities” and some more….i didn’t get a hair cut…I wanted to…but I don’t know what I should do with my boring hair…I didnt paint my tee…I guess I will do that by today if I remember..ehehehhe!

So vacation…
Started by watching movies…facebook….and himym….
Had a nice day talking to my best friends and we laughed like hell that day…
Went with my friends to Bandra and enjoyed there too…I got my extensions and I love them…muaaahz…
I went with my best friend to a tech-fest at IIT Bombay and it was amazing…
I went to my college fest…it was okay….now I know what a fest is….
I went to this other college’s fest which had battle of bands and It was amazing…it simply was exquisite….
I went to visit this friend of mine and watched couple of movies at his place…
I went to my cuty doctor and I so love him….well I fell sick in the middle too…
^ Those were some things I had listed and I did them…

The best one’s that made my vacation memorable were…
My friend, the only girl I like from my class…college and all that…I went to college to fill forms with her…it was fun that day…way too mucha fun…we waited for like an hour cursing the staff members of our college to open the counter to fill forms…and just 4 steps…mark my words…”4 steps” ahead people were actually filling forms and we like dumb people went for rounds all over the college…I don’t know it was just feeling so stupid of us to know that we were so dumb…it was just common sense, when u see people just 4 feet away from you holding the same form …we couldn’t guess that they might have made a new office next to the old one…it was funny…I don’t know why..that moment was just funny….maybe because we didn’t know how to write our names in marathi language in the form and we wrote it in hindi…I hope we didn’t do spelling mistakes…the last time I wrote in hindi was I guess 3 years back…it was a tiring day. we went to 4th floor and came down like 4 times just because of our stupidity or lack of common sense… :p

Later that day I went out with this friend of mine… It was just a sudden plan and I had no clue what to say or do with him…we decided to play stuffs since I had got my new electric guitar…we went to his place…man! he drives like crazy and for a moment I thought that it was my last ride ever…like he drives good but he scares me way too much…so we went to his place to play guitar…btw he plays bass…he is sure a busy man…so many calls he gets…so many commitments he has…I was wondering how he got free that he actually could find time to play nonsense with me…anyways..moving forward…I never like going to guys room…coz its all a big mess….and his room was less messy than I thought…anyways…the time I entered I got “JEALOUS”…he had this awesome Avril Lavigne poster and I for once wanted to kill him then and there…anyways…we played songs by Avril…I know what an insult it is to a metal head guy like him…anyways…ive never played with other instruments before except drums…This reminds me of Mohit, he played drums for us in 11th grade and trust me the song-“take me away” by avril sounded like a disaster…Me,my friend and my best friend played the guitar almost perfectly…but the vocals of the other girls made the song pathetic…it was like some people chanting morning prayers..”humko maan ki shakti dena”….and all that….Mohit, Rascala played the drums so loud that our guitars were barely heard….i so hated my first performance…. …Anyways so ya I was at that guy’s house…so we played stuffs and honestly it was so much fun for me…coz I played what I loved playing…Bad day for him…then I came back home….then I never thought we would go skate boarding…we both had completely forgotten it but it was fun watching him doing unsuccessful attempts over it… :p we then played soccer…I suck at it but I love it…we rode baby bicycle...it was so much fun…then we went to have ice cream…on the way we played stone football…it was fun….and then a disaster happened at the ice-cream parlor…I would so not like to disclose it….a disaster is a disaster….moving on…I thought he was a firangi and that he would not be liking pani puri..when he asked me if we could have pani puri…I was simply SHOCKED! Yes I was…like…omg… Later we had pani puri…it sucked…I love the pani part the most in the pani puri…and I always ask for more pani in the end coz I love to drink it…but I got embarrassed…not exactly embarrassed but kinda shy and I broke my tradition of having pani in the end and so we walked outta that place…we went for a short-long walk…it was nice and I apologized him from the bottom of my heart for the worst idea I gave to him about something…I am still ashamed of myself for saying that…I just hate myself for saying that…being a girl I shouldn’t have said that and I did…I don’t know what I was thinking when I said that…but honestly I don’t mean to hurt anyone I know and especially the ones I don’t know…after the walk we played badminton…the best part hanging around with him is…you can play or do so many variety of things and enjoy it too…it was just fun…we talked for a while and left for home…I enjoy spending time with people when it is so unplanned and it turns out to be good…Thanks a lot for everything boy.

The next day I went to Bandra with my friends and my best friend…we went via bus and we had no plans to shop or anything…we reached the place and got down from the bus..took an auto….now people you need to know this when you are hanging around with the girls and you see stuffs they go crazy to shop them…so they all went crazy….they started to look for bags, shoes, tee’s and accessories….they pick on things and I love to bargain…if you go to Bandra you can actually buy a stuff which according to the shopkeeper costs 300 at just 50 bucks….i am an expert in bargaining! So we went for a round of all the shops in half an hour and that was it…we all were hungry…the best part of going out is you gotta eat outside….and when KFC is near…there’s nothing to stop you from grabbing it except your pocket.hehe..but I had turned into a vegetarian and I went to McDonalds and had a veg burger…I don’t believe myself…I know…but I did…So the most exciting and the best part of the trip…I saw this girl…she was hot…Man hot! Let me tell you…I am a girl and I am not a lesbian…I am straight and that I don’t fall for girls or do any such act…But I just like to check girl’s out…There she was, white in colour, tall and slim built…she was in a brown skirt…really small and a dark brown tank…she was beautiful and delicate as she looked…she had this perfect hair and amazing eye makeup…she wore ballerinas and looked simply beautiful…she had a pink cell phone and had a very girly brown leather bag…she was sitting on the table in front of me and trust me I couldn’t stop starring at her...She was beautiful…Yup she was! I was forced by my friends to get out of that place coz I was starring at her constantly…so we later on went to check out shoes…I am a shoe person…I am all about Converse…I love wearing them….i buy them from malls or the outlets but never from Bandra street coz I just find it so not original…I don’t know why…my other friend bought a Converse from there…we then went ahead…I got myself extensions…I always wanted them…There is this girl in my college who does bboying she got them and I wanted them so badly from 12th grade itself…so anyway…I finally got them…I love braiding them and hanging around…so there I got a flip-flop for myself…my best friend got a cap and a bag and rest of the people…I don’t remember…we headed back to the bus…on the way back I sat next to the window seat…the bus had long wide glass and I was listening to music in peace, looking outside…it just felt like the best ending to the trip…it just did…my best friend made it beautiful coz we enjoy so much together even when we stay alone walking together…she is like me and she likes things the way I do…she just makes everything so easy and fun that I just love her so much…I love you baby so much…

The next day I again went to hang around with the same friend as I mentioned playing guitar with above…so we went to read c++…its kinda hard to concentrate when he just keeps yawning…I cant make out if he likes to read what I ask him to or if he is sleepy…he says when he concentrates too much, he yawns…but I guess he never yawns with his girlfriend….he just yawns with me…you can make out by now that I kinda bore him…I wonder sometimes, I have so many things to say to people that this entire life of mine would not be enough to just talk about…and not only me talking…I like listening to people too…I like to listen to the stuffs going on in their lives and I try to help them if they need help…you can see I am a true sweetheart and that I am the most awesome-est friend you can ever have… :p “I am so awesome”…I have learnt this from a T.V show, “how I met your mother”...this character of barney is amazing and yes he is so awesome. Coming back…So that day was sunny and that we talked a lot…I love talking to someone who pays attention to what I say…I don’t know if he really does but I guess when he is with me…he does and else he doesn’t. That was another day we had fun talking…I guess he did too…I really don’t know if he did….

The next day I went for to my college to see the fest…and It was boring…my and my friends we were sitting on the stair and my dream of playing “have you met Ted” came true….i just loved playing it with my friend…its so cool…but the girls in my college are such dodo’s what to say…not that much fun but yeah fun!
Later the next day I went for a fest in another college and trust me the battle of the bands was amazing…I heard people playing different genre of music and my music teacher was the judge…it was cool…I don’t like metal much maybe coz of the vocals but yea punk rock is my cup of tea…I came to know how people in a band co-ordinate and stuffs…its cool…it was amazing…I guess I enjoyed the most…it was fun…

Moving on to the next trip…it was IIT-TechFest…my dad drove me and my best friend to that college…it was fun…we saw lots of animals and heard about them way too much…There was this big Alligator which was caught there some time back and snakes are everywhere…But it is one of the most reputed colleges in India and that only scholars get into such institutions…So anyway…I always liked going to science fairs and all … so I liked this one too…I saw many missiles…I saw an instrument which detects bombs, mines and other things…I learnt how disaster management plays a vital role and how the gadgets are used when they lie next to you while you are suffering…we waited for 3 hours in hot sun in a queue to get inside this science fair…man it was killing me…but when you plug into music everything hurting you feels alright…so 3 hours standing in the line passed away…A little secret was that we all drunk cloud 9…the energy drink..hahaha…so anyway…as you know.Inside I saw artificial hands and legs..how people who don’t have hands and legs use them…I saw the generation of solar cells...they taught us how to study human body glucose with the small flies that sit on the sweet banana’s if we leave them uncovered…they talked about the nano particles and elements made from them…how if you apply a stuff made by nano particle’s on a balloon can save it from bursting when sharp pins are poked into it….i saw the 3D version of earthquake…The best thing I liked was the gadget which is used for paralyzed people who cant move but can communicate and draw figures and art works via the movement of eyeballs…I love the person who made this…I respect him the most…then I saw a solar vehicle…its made up of mirrors etc…we saw many cool stuffs and I think it was fun with my friend…I like to know things…I know the best thing I like to know is about space but hey, I like to know other things too…I love to get knowledge about various things…I just love to know things…but I hate to know things that are used to puke in the examination hall :p …so anyway…the trip was good and I loved it…Later on we went to and exhibition of art work and it just made my day…I wish I would have tagged my other best friend along…It was just too beautiful…I liked the hard work that people had put into…I respect them…I came home with my best friend and we played guitar for quite sometime….we had food and I went to sleep…

Today, I went out with my best friend…it was just a short notice and we just wanted to check out the music store in Sea Woods…I bought a capo…she got string…We walked to meet our music teacher whom I respect the most…he’s just exquisite…an amazing guy…he wasn’t there…so we went to meet our school friend and we gave her a surprise…she was shocked to see us…I know…we stayed at her house and talked about the changes in everyone’s life after school…we went down to have pani puri…I love pani puri, bhel, chaat, sev puri, dahi wada, dahi puri and mmmmmmm…my mouth is already watering…..its better I stop listing them….It was an amazing pani puri wala stall…it was one of the spiciest pani puri I ever had…yum yum yuuuum! Okay then we went to have ice cream…I don’t like eating again and again and again…so I didn’t have ice cream…so then we went to look for another ice cream parlor…it was far…the fun part beings….it was damn fun…I have never been good at riding…I didn’t tell this to my friends and being the thinnest one amongst them I got the chance to drive…I guess we were weighing 180 kg and I drove the scooty…it was fun…3 people, I have never tried riding with 3 people…it was just amazing…I had so mucha fun riding…I cant explain…then we went to meet our music teacher again…it was the third time…we actually found him…we talked a lot about music…he told me what a band needs to do and what is good on stage…what is a money minded band and what is a show off band and all that…every time I talk to him…its amazing…he inspires and tells me how about to go in music…he told me what my band is suppose to be and all that…it was amazing….again i like people educating me…so he did educate me…every time I meet him I enjoy the time I share knowing music from him…its amazing…my friend and I left for home…but as if!…We were very hungry…actually I had nothing since morning and so I was starving…without my pills I went to the shop and we have corneza and something else…which I forgot…it had delicious Manchurian balls stuffed in it… then we headed back towards the station…you don’t know but after the half way…we still were hungry and we went back and had the cashew finger…dude this desert made my vacation…I loved it so much…the whipped cream stuffed between the cameral and cashew bread….mmmmuuuuuaaaahz!!!!!i loved it…I went gaga over it…I guess this was the best part of my vacation…I loved it…my mouth is watering like a waterfall…omg…I loved it…I loved it…I just loved it,….it was a yummy day and I came back home…guess what an hour later I got a phone call from my friends brother..he was worried coz she wasn’t home…omg I got scared and I started to call her up and I was all so scared…I don’t know why but yes I was….i love her so much…im glad she didn’t get lost…ahahhahaha!

So I guess I did pretty many things in these two weeks….i was bored in the middle but not all that bored…things just kept me going on and on and I enjoyed it and I guess I dint let this vacation of mine go waste….
Im glad it was constructive and I guess I am happy…
Well my vacation ended yesterday
But hell yeah !i didn’t go to college today coz dude again tomorrow is a holiday…
So everyone and everything on this planet which made my vacation pretty constructive…thanks yew so much…I love yew all…

I feel good!

My Seminary!

I had three exams this year…and I studied as usual the way I do…you need to know that college life is a different life…completely different life…like in schools we all go everyday and never bunk…we are all disciplined and we study in each lecture…the duration of each lecture is smaller than the college lectures…we have a group of friends say 150 in the entire standard and we all see each other’s face almost daily for years…you may know some juniors and some seniors, if you use the bus facility or if your neighbor’s kids study in the same school….
Everyone says college life is different…sure it is….like….i have never lived this kind of life before…After coming to college I have started to play my guitar more than I ever used to…I have started to watch movies both in theaters as well as on my laptop… I have started listening to rusty music…like when you are at school you mostly listen to Hilary Duff, Dido, Avril Lavigne, Kelly Clarkson, Backstreet boys, Westlife, Blue, Linking Park and stuffs like that…but when you enter college the whole genre as well has as artists selection changes…you come to know what is exactly going in this world…you get real knowledge about how people are and what are the worst things in this world…you get to know a lot of dirty stuffs and get to meet new faces everyday…
My college is dumped with like a zillion of courses…I don’t know exactly but besides Engineering, we have BMS, BCA, BSc, Architecture, MBA and god knows how many more courses…we have like so many students and everyday you see a new face…One can get use to looking at new faces every year since new batch joins and the old batch leaves but NO! in my college we have so many students that you cant make out who is from which department and who is from which year…The funniest part is that you cant distinguish between the teachers, professors and students…they all look the same…Anyways so I am in the engineering section…there are like 8 sections for the F.E students and each section has 70 students and more but defiantly not less….i don’t know half of my section people although my first semester is over. How do u expect me to know the other section students? There are so many branches in engineering too… like IT, Computer Science, Automobile, Electronics, Electronics and telecommunication, Mechanical and so many more….besides the engineering students, now you can imagine how the other courses students are filled in my college…so a new face everyday…I have stopped looking at the people around because I know that I don’t have to find anyone from the crowed to be my friend because everyone’s so different(in a bad way)…

So, my college life started last year and I had met a few people in my class…new girls…some seemed to be nice but later on became annoying…in the whole crowd trust me I don’t like anyone…the whole crowd includes every person going inside and coming out of the college…I just like one girl…she’s my only friend at college I guess…rest of the people in my group are cool to hang out with but I guess I am way to choosy on people and the places so I don’t hang out much with them…there is no one good looking in my college…Hell No! wait a minute, there are some hot guys…all straightened hair, unshaved chest, tight figure hugging tee’s, bell bottom pants and floaters or boot kinda shoes…they are so popular that you can look at them and say, “Oh my God! Now I have seen them before. I guess here itself, in college…”. They are such dudes that you cant get your eyes off them, seriously, i’ll tell you the reason why. They are so hot that your eyes burn off and so when ever they come around, you look at them and mutter, “Assholes…they are the ones who took my eyes away. So hot!”
So if I go down to the canteen and look around then I see new faces everywhere and trust me, I get lost every time when I look at someone. I start to wonder where I have landed up..but guess what…while I am wondering staring at that person…that person actually thinks that I have got a crush on him/her…WTF! You don’t know how dumb I feel…I actually let people have time of their day to think that I have a crush on them…at least for once I make them happy and bring a smile on their face. :p
Now I will tell you how many people I know in my college and how they are…

In my college I know 1 girl who was my school mate…she is in BMS…she puts awesome makeup’s and is very nice and sweet….so there I know someone from BMS section…there is another guy who is in the same class with her whom I know was in my school and we watched man utd match together in 11th grade…So I know 2 people from BMS section..
Moving on to B__…I guess this course is there in my college…something with “B”…there are so many courses with “B”z….i get lost…so…I guess this is the course where I have 2 more females, my school mates….i like them just because they play for my college and they are die hard sports fan…they are good with sports…so from this section I know 2 girls…
There is another course BCA…I know 1 girl from this course…Again she was my school mate…she is nice but I feel awful for her since her major accident….i hope you are fine and that you still remember me…I guess we spoke 2 weeks back…I guess she does remember me… :p
Moving on to Bsc….now this is a mystery…there is this group of guys who play in bands…one guy I know personally…we met on orkut and became friends and later on I realized he was from my college itself…hahaha..i know that’s so funny…that guy sits with other guys…I don’t see them everyday but yea we share a glance pretty often…they all think I am crazy coz I compliment them for their music and they pretend as if they don’t know me…once I called one of the guys to call the friend of mine…he said “some mad girl is calling you…” and you wont believe later on when I complimented that guy he asked me from which college I was….now…isn’t that funny….guys think we don’t understand but we do…its funny….but I don’t know, most of the people in my college have so much attitude what to say? So I don’t know if they are my friends…I guess not coz after that incident I am pretty sure they don’t know me….anyways…moving on to another mystery of BSc…I know a girl from that class…whom I know but still i don’t know…my dad says I know her but I just know her sir name and I don’t remember anytime in my childhood I spent a day with her at her house…so I will put her in a ‘no’ list…so from Bsc I guess I know that guy who is fun to talk to but don’t ever hang out with him….he will leave you in the middle of the road where you know nothing and will go home sit and enjoy….i know weird…and when you text him he will be rude too…sometimes when u enjoy with him when he is in his senses and so not angry that time is the best time you can have with him but rest of the time…its shhhhh! Scary! I guess he scares me coz I know him and he hates me..i guess coz whatever I say makes no sense to him and he thinks I just fake things...so I don’t know if he considers me as a friend or not…but I guess I do…so 1 from BSc.
Now engineering section…in my class I know this guy who plays drums, one who plays guitar, one who possesses manager skills, one guy who always does my stencil work and one guy whom all girls like, one guy whom my friend has a crush on and another guy who is an awesome rider…that’s all in the guys I know…in girls I know one who is beautiful, one who is her friend, one who speaks a lot but very sweet, one whom I don’t wanna mention…, one who is my best friend…one who has a piercing wala dp on facebook, one who drives her blue car, one who is a muslim and one who plays keyboards…I guess thats all…
In other sections of engineering I know 5 guys who are my good friends and always there to check if the guys I am talking to are good or bad….they all are from my school…I know 3 girls who r in my group and I love the girl who is into bboying…and other one who is so sweet…I even know one girl who is now my friend but studied with my best friend…I know some other guys and girls who sit in front and behind me in the examination hall….and not to mention some raggers and 3 senior guys and 3 senior girls too…
So in total I know only 50 students from my college outta I guess zillion….and by now you might have figured out whom I like and whom I don’t…I know the don’ts are more than the do’s but its kinda hard to stay with the don’ts because they are just so not my type….okay not my type is still understandable but they are so boring…I cant handle that part…
That’s my college life for now…I am so irritated with it…I just sing “welcome to my life” by simple plan everyday…That’s my escape…
:;(

Reverie

Last night…I had a dream…I never talk about my dreams because I don’t remember them after I wake up…but today, I guess after years…I woke up in a nice mood…I felt light…I felt no Burdon on me….i felt honest with a smile…
The dream was amazing…It was the shortest dream I guess I ever had…I had this dream start, I guess at 7:16am and it ended by 7:25am…Now you might be wondering how I know the exact timings…ah well! Almost the exact time….its my friend who everyday wakes up and text’s me the exact same msg-“Wake up boys…I woke up”. So I checked the time and then, after the dream I woke up again and checked the time….
I guess last night I shampooed my hair and took a warm shower before going to bed…so I was feeling light…maybe that is the reason for my good dream…anyways yea….so the dream….

I am sleeping on my bed…the light under and through my curtain falls into my darkest room…I realize its morning time and I remove my favorite blanket from top of me…I guess it is some special day and date…I don’t know if its my birthday or holiday or whatever…So I wake up and sit on my bed…I am wearing a pink satin dress…it’s a spaghetti with thin stripes…the room is all dark but the sun rays through and under my curtain makes it look just the most beautiful morning…I look at my cell phone and check the time …it was 11:15am…I feel good as I come outta the bed and start to keep my legs on the floor…I see the whole room filled with balloons…like the silk colour balloons… everywhere… 3/4th of the room is filled with the balloons…I start to look around and I could see only blue…pink…white…coloured balloons with long satin ribbons…I hear slow music running in the background…ive never heard that kinda song before…I don’t know it was just different and felt so right….i began to run in circles….i felt the touch of the balloons on all the parts of my body and it just felt so right….i am smiling and playing with those balloons…then I remove the curtain and see the sun rays directly falling on me…and guess what? I liked sun for once over darkness…I turn around and see balloons everywhere in my room…I began to play with them again….after sometime I realized that there was a message on each the balloons…it had compliments and the kinda dialogues I love to say and hear….some read: “we all love you”, “everything to make you feel right”, “happiness implies you”, “we all miss you”, “we love you the way you are”, “special friend” and my favorite one: “Hugs from all across the world from every living creature on this planet…just for you”….i went like…”aaaawwwwww!” it just felt so right…like I was in some lala land and just everything around felt nice…like everything was perfect…I felt light and pleased…I had realized that I had bouncy hair when I started to jump and play with the balloons again…the room had this fresh air all around…the air was like the ones you feel when its rainy day and the first rain bring you the cool wind after hot summer…I felt happy from the bottom of my heart and I just felt me…like…I don’t know…..its just that…..i was like….like on something I would hold on to forever….

“La la lalalalala…la la lalalala..”that’s my sms tone..i know weird na…it’s a song by the offsprings- self-esteem…and then the sms arrived…and Boom I woke up…my room was empty and curtains seemed to pass the same light as in the dream and I checked my cell phone…
Sometimes something’s which are so small and so little seem to be giving the biggest happiness…doesn’t it?…I don’t know why I always find happiness in small things…it just feels right and it seems to be completing my big frame of happiness by all those small ones…I don’t know like…I say I want a guitar…I want this dress and all like expensive stuffs but they don’t provide me with all the happiness…
For instance…I always wanted an electric guitar and this year I finally got one…I went to the store with a straight face and got the guitar with that same face…and on the other hand when I told my best friend I had got an electric guitar, she was jumping and screaming and I guess she was more happy than me…yes! Kshiraja…you sounded and felt happier than me…for once I thought that I should give you my guitar to see you that happy forever…I just didn’t feel that happy as I should have or like you…
Instead I was happier to know that a guy who I thought was “firangi” had pani puri with me and a long night walk….yes! Prateek. you!…I felt happier at that moment than I was when I got my guitar….like I don’t understand why I feel happy in small things
But the best one is when I talk about all those small beautiful things and hang them on my memory frame….and smile and laugh with the one who helps me recollect them…Yes! Karthik its you! We always recollect how happy this day was and that day was….
I don’t know what’s wrong with me because who so ever I tell this state of my mind…I don’t know he/she just laughs at me and thinks I am mad…
I guess I am…but it makes me feel SO right…

Love
Love
Love
Love
Love

All the small things

Saturday, January 23, 2010
Life means:
A spring afternoon
Acoustic guitar
Songs about life

A winter evening
4 friends
Mild rain
4 pegs of vodka

100 bucks petrol
2 rusty old bikes
An open road

A hostel room
Maggi noodles
3:25am

3 old friends
3 separate cities
3 coffee mugs
1 yahoo messenger

A rainy afternoon
Eleven friends
Muddy ground
One football

One carton box
Two friends
Ride of a life time

2:50am
7 friends
Pizzas and toppings
Cartoon network

A wedding invitation
Suits up
Freaky thoughts
All night enjoyment

1 girl
1 phone no
10 friends
A fight

1:40 am
Scary movie
Blanket
Chanting prayers

Converse
Guitar and amp
Small stage
Friends as fans

1 tree
1 boyfriend
Holding hands

No sleep
12:45am
A phone call

3 phones
3 cities
conference

Candles
Balloons
Cakes
A surprise party

1 park bench
1 girl
1 proposal
1 yes

4 books
1 preparatory leave
10 duffers

Winter morning
Warm water shower
Wrapping in towel
Feelings forever

1 girl
Pulling her pony
Grinning
Feelings of touch

Late night
1 person
Honest conversation
A long walk

College
Attendance
Laugh at professors
Bunk

Result declaration
1 teacher
Fighting Tears
Struggle for marks

A birthday party
Cakes
Gifts
Loaded with food

Beach walk
2 gola’s
Sand castle
Photographs

A Tuesday evening
10 bucks
1 stall
Pani puri

1 beautiful girl
100 lovers
Her 1 big brother
2 dogs

A summer afternoon
Shorts and tanks
Lemonades
A big swimming pool

A breakup
Lodes of tears
Tones of friends
A breakup party

Sudden party
An empty fridge
Two slices of bread
Jam

1 date
15 friends
Question sessions

2 pair of eyes
1 glance
2 smiles

Everyday late wake up’s
Running to bathroom
Breakfast table
Cereals, eggs and milk

School
Sleep in lectures
Scribbling on desks
Paper planes

Divorce
Bunch of friends
4 wall’s room
1 paint box

Sleep
Alarm
Snooze
Sleep

Chilly night
Good thoughts
Socks
1 blanket

In the middle of work
A movie
Popcorn box
Coke

Totally bored
1 mirror
Reflection
Silly faces

7pm
Growling stomach
Tangy soup
Twisting tongues

30 bucks notebook
6 bucks refill
2 bucks pencil
Incomplete homework
Priceless happiness

Lying on bed
Watching rain
Drop by drop
Beautiful thoughts

Short of cash
Old torn Jeans
Pockets
A penny

Holding hands
Walking to class
Kindergarten

1 neighbor
1 blank call
1 door bell ring

Banging the door
Music up loud
Screaming
Jumping

Sleepover
Pajamas
Pillow fight
Stuffed toys

Missing someone
Standing in the balcony
Staring at stars
Exchanging feelings

Crazy days
Tons of fights
Loads of crushes
College life

Best friends forever
Secrets to grave
Exchange of goodies
Photographs to save

Exam hall
Tick tock
Mind block
Pens stop

Reading the sms received
Replying to sms
Reading the sms sent
Reading the sms received before
Again and again

1 washroom
Hiding from friends
1 chocolate bar

Yahoo messenger
Invisible mode
Waiting for someone
Visible mode

8 guys
1 binocular
A fight
Girl’s hostel room

1 closet
Tons of clothes
Sad face
Nothing to choose

1000 bucks
A sale
Group of friends
Shopping

An accident
Lots of get well soon wishes
Flowers and candies
Kiss on the forehead

1 P.C.
Parents behind
Switching tabs
Start + spacebar + M
Alt + F4

A date
Calling of friends
Exchange of clothes
Long gossips

No occasion
Fried chicken
3 friends
A boring conversation

1 puppy
1 kiss
2 dogs
Scram and run

1 lie
1 friend
Stutter and stumble
Puked truth

1 rock show
2 tickets
Tight jeans
Head banging

1 cell phone
1 number
1 name
Starring again and again

1 ipod
Songs on shuffle
Running in circles

1 mall
4 friends
Hide and seek

1 picnic
17 friends
Only food…food
And food


I love to enjoy all these moments…they are small but still they bring lodes of happiness to me in my life…
I love everyone who has made these small moments in my life so amazing…

<3
Mmmmmmmuuummmm!
Muaaaahhhzzzz!

mynds-eye

Today I just wanna be me and honestly I wont try to make much sense coz I don’t know how to describe this feeling inside me…so I am just putting up some random thoughts which are running currently in my mind….
Ive been through a lot last year and I hope that this year brings me with something I could cherish…I wanna be me and stay happy….if you ask me honestly, what I want in my life….i will close my eyes and I will just see nothing….i don’t know…I certainly keep on saying this to everyone that I am going to do engineering and become an engineer and I will work 9 to 5 and earn a living….but that’s not what I want…I don’t know exactly what I want…I just want to do something which I am good at…I don’t even know what I am good at…
Some people are special and are gifted with either genius brain, artistic hand, glamorous body, sweet voice…and so many more…
Now when i stand in front of the mirror…I look at myself….i see nothing special in me….and just to cheer myself or to make myself happy, I end up making silly faces at the mirror…I try to laugh and prove myself that I am happy but I just cant stand the fact that I try and make myself special where as im so not special….my effort is a waste because I am not meant to be special that’s the reason god didn’t give me any special quality…I am just a regular person and I don’t like being ordinary…I just wanna make a difference to everyone….i wanna be someone, the world remembers as GOOD…
But anyway imnt special and I guess I should stop making myself feel that way…
I don’t know… I have like, most of the things I want but there is something still missing. I don’t know what it is but I guess its there inside…I wish that it just comes outta me and I realize what I want, coz its long long long time now for me to know what it is…

Honestly, I always told this to my friend and trust me he didn’t believe me, maybe coz he was ten years elder to me…but whatever the case was…I always had this dream or something like that…like even if I am sitting, my thoughts lead me to this picture… I don’t know…I see a river which has a wooden bridge, pretty old and nearly to break…the water in the river is all black maybe because the moon dosnet provide much light to the dark night….the wooden bridges railing is all wrapped with yellow LED’s and it’s a beautiful night….then all of a sudden I am standing on that bridge in something black which has a hood and my face is barely seen through my hair…I hear the clock strikes and waters noise only…I see two paths on each side of the bridge.
one path has a city linked with happiness as it looks…lights everywhere, all decorated atmosphere, fresh air, guys holding girls and taking care, kids singing happy songs, birds singing, colourful buildings, people generous to each other, some people stay in the house like forever and sad too…its like that whole place is filled with happiness and sadness both…but in the end before one dies its either happiness or sadness in his arms.
On the other side of the bridge I see no light…everyone in black clothes walking all alone…they don’t eat probably and just hide their face under their hood or by their hair or always bow and walk…its not about the looks or anything…its about…I guess…its like…they don’t need anyone and they are just living by themselves…they are not happy but they are not sad either…they are just some walking souls…walking all alone….they are all satisfied and they don’t even look at each other….its all silent there….
Suddenly I see the bride breaking down and I have to choose my way…I am standing all alone and I don’t know which way to go…im crying out for help but no one hears my voice…I am all messed up and I don’t know where to go, what to choose, what to be, what is right, what I see is true and so many other unanswered questions…
With a flash, I always get outta that picture or dream and I cannot actually see where I end up going…I know I go somewhere and save myself from drowning but I never see where…I always wanna know where I end up going maybe coz I don’t know what I want in this life of mine…so I guess I don’t end up seeing where I go…

Sitting in a corner whenever I think of something I want…trust me, i try so hard to think but all I end up is wid…”whatever I am doing…it is gonna lead me to the path where it has led zillions of other people” …I certainly have this feeling that it is defiantly not what I want…I guess I am just way too weird to have such thoughts and dreams….like on this planet why only me? I wonder…
I want to know what I am looking for…I want to know which way I am going to go and stay happy…I want to know if somebody is watching me out…I want to know if someone can accompany me or not…I want to know what is missing…I want to know the purpose of my living...i want to know what I have to do…I wanna know where to start from…I wanna know what is real…I wanna know why I get such dreams…I wanna know who is me…I wanna know what feels right and what dosnet…I wanna know everything…just everything.
I wish someone or something or whatever it is could just tell me what’s the truth and what I am here for…and stop haunting me with incomplete mind's eye.

|:That Green-Red Frock:|

It started that Christmas when I was five…my Grandma had got me a pretty Green-Red Christmas colour dress... I never liked wearing dresses…as people call them “FROCKS”…the name itself makes me go like “what!come again,,,did u say frocks and me in the same sentence???? ….”
A wedding that Christmas was lined up and everyone in the small town was ready in glittering sarees, polka dot salwars kamiz, heavy earings and loaded gold chains….Girls of my age particularly my best friend wore beautiful FROCKS and shining high heels…and my mom for once wanted me to wear that green-red Christmas frock. As usual I was into wearing jeans and tees with white sneakers…I loved white sneakers..i rejected. I was in the room with my mom and chachi. They were convincing me to wear that frock and as usual I wasn’t interested and rather I was throwing tantrums so that they take that frock away from me. Anyway! So my mom called me after my tantrum was over…She said-“why don’t you like this dress! All your friends are wearing them…you wear jeans all the time…cant you for once wear a girly dress???” with my strayed eyes I told her “NO!”…she said, “ whatever you are choosing is gonna look odd in public. That everyone will be well dressed and you like a boy dressed. And later on you cannot change it over there….So I am warning you…”These were the lines I still commit to my memory and have lately realized…is true in my life and means much more now than it used to that December!

One girl born in a family which had no girls as such in the previous generation gets love from everyone…be it grandfather, grandmother, chacha, chachi, mom, dad, brothers and various other relatives….She is loved by everyone in the family filled with engineers…She had that father who got her everything she would ever want in life before time…that mother who got her all the love that she wanted…that grandfather who let her run behind zillion of dogs and made her fearless….that grandmother who told her tales about the beautiful world! She was born as a princess!But that girl didn’t choose that life of a princess rather….she chose something that was more comfortable to her even though it was odd to public and that she could do nothing about it later on…it was a like a one time investment…

I am just another running face in the crowd...i use local trains to go to college…eat all kind of junkies…find happiness in the unplanned and small…small things…laughs rolling on the floor…wears whatever which doesn’t match.. Hang around in malls…Average in studies….plays the guitar with whatever chords…sings songs about her life…screams... squeals… laughs until i drop down on the floor….annoys people to the core….put up fights and everything which every other girl here out in Mumbai does…
Life in small cities are so much better than the ones in d metro’s…it is so easy to live and the people there don’t have evil mind… no ones mean and everyone is honest…helpful...chivalrous…kind and so much loving than the show off kisses and love made in big cities for “Public Display Affection” with an empty heart.
I am traveler …thankx to my dad for that….hehe…I have been to a lot of different places..stayed there and figured out the culture and everything…And trust me mertro cities suck!
A princess…woha!wait a min…if you are think the word “PRINCESS” is like the one you saw in The Princess Diaries…then no its so not that way….Princess here refers to that girl who could possibly get everything in a middle class family……”Everything here means…respect…love….stuffs…care….warmth….good education….etc”…

6 weeks from now…I was sitting on Panvel station waiting for my train to come so I could board on it and reach home….i called up one of my friends to check if how she was doing…the conversation was like:

Me :Hey hie…well just called you up to ask if…. how you were doing?
Reciever: I’m doing good…just waiting for my driver to pick me up… I have to go to a Flower show with my cousions and I am getting late”
Me: Ow! A Flower show! (I guess I went 2 the last flower show when I was 9..Nevermind) well! I see…you seem to be loving plants…flowers..bark…trees..roots..(was I drunk???)
Rec:No well! I always used to go to flower shows from the time I was 1 and a half years old…I like beautiful things….
Me: Ya…who dosnet! (why wont you?…you yourself are beautiful…wouldn’t you like beautiful flowers…???)
Rec: Hey I guess my dad’s here…I’ll get home and then talk to you..
Me: No issues!

Sitting on the station that conversation put me into a new array of dimension X and Y perhaps….i felt that Z also started existing for that moment. Nevermind! My brain started to think in X and Y dimensions….i though my brain was just limited to X…Anyway! The point is…. What a life my friend has…she goes to movies with her parents every Saturday night….The largest clubs with them…Too good at studies….Beautiful….Rich and what not…whatever a girl wants…Me and my friends call her…”FATE GIRL” everything she has….believe me everything…she spends hours in Saloon…hours reading books in the most famous library…Oh! Man you wont believe she always tops in the class…(come again..she stands 1st in class….Believe me…! Yes she does…)..wears all princess clothes and trust me all the guys fall for her….Her knowledge about everything is mind blowing and she herself is so charming…she is like the show stoppers in the fashion world or maybe the President, in our country, India….summing up together she is the one whom your parents…friends and family or any other person on the planet would want to be.HONESTLY!
I could have been exactly like her….my parents wanted me to wear all beautiful girly clothes…they got me everything before time….i could have stayed with my father and read millions of books and gained knowledge…with my mother I would have been wearing all sober clothes and would have learnt all charming and respectful conversational skills….with my chacha…I would have been the masters of coding…with my grandfather I would have learnt horse ridding and with my grand mother I would have been like the ideal girl… With the family so educated and everyone’s an engineer I would have had a princess life….If only I had chosen that red-green frock that Christmas!

If you look at me closely…you will see I have nothing at all to worry about in life…I have amazing open minded parents…I have everything one requires to live comfortable life….i have a respected and well educated background and everything…just everything…I say I want it and then next moment I get it…life is so wonderful…but hell yea! I made it worse…yea its me to be blamed…or perhaps the decision I took during that Christmas night with that green-red frock!The elaboration to this wired statement of mine is I never stayed back with my parents at home…coz I always wanted to play play and play…go out do adventurous things…I never cared of what people thought of me since the time I was born I suppose….i never wanted 2 ride with my parents everywhere in that Blue car which in that town only 3 people owned…No! No! I wanted to walk…use autorikshaws…go and chase dogs…wanted to do things on my own…I was barely seen at home all my childhood because I was busy in doing something or the other…..My mom had put me into vocals…harmonium and painting and dance when I was 2 ½…..and she wanted me to be that respected classical singer who plays harmonium…(yalk yalk yalk) and all those big people kinda stuffs and people appreciating me and all that. No! No! I didn’t want that…Noways!not me….”y on this planet me??? I don’t like that stuff and it keeps me busy and all weekends and that’s so not my stuff!”but it continued till I was 13..oh! my god!You are very lucky in your life if you haven’t seen me singing during that phase…with tears I used to make such funny noises…oh my god!people who remind me of those days with the demonstrated vocals…I hate them for sure…I guess I wasn’t that bad…or maybe I was…But hell yea…I still passed vocal exams including painting ,acts etc…I love to see my certificates now but still harmonium was so not my kinda stuff and dare you say harmonium infronta me…I would rather kill myself than to hear that…its good…but I don’t like it!No No!no chance.Noway!


I chose to go out and do what I wanted to..sing what I wanted to…breathe the air and let myself be happy at the end of the day….everything in that small city was fine… but one day my dad made us shift to a place I never thought I would ever in my life would visit …ya we never visited but we shifted instead…making new friends is easy but at the place you stay or near by places…but a different state…why on this planet people are so different from place to place…anyways adjusting was something I was never interested in and I didn’t care if I had to let go off everything because I always loved myself and even if I was alone I was so happy….i used to be happy in myself and I didn’t want nything on this planet to be mine to complete me and to keep me/make me happy! But big city...big people changed my life….i always had mediocre range of friends ….but big city offers you the worst things…people here are mostly…well on the scale of 10…I guess 8.9 is the kind of selfish…self obsessed….dirty minded and mean……… and in this crowd to figure out whom to trust is a very big question mark…
As life moves we all move on and so I started to hang around with all range of friends…from the ones who drink and smoke…to the one’s who make one night stands…I, a girl from small town dosent even know anything about this cruel ugly desperate metropolitan city people…..here in big cities…you can see it all…every dirty act of humiliation…nevermind…i started to move into a city like this: by blowing away the dust and keeping my feet at every minimum inch of the tile which was clean…
Moving on…well yes moving on to the city …the easiest things to learn are jealousy…ego…use people….hurt others and get into all the worst things possible…you cant run away and you cant hide from all these things…all you can do is be a part of it or else bear with the system without indulging yourself into it…the second option was the one, I opted for…I didn’t know it would be all that difficult but yes it was…its like acting like an animal even though you are not one in a jungle….i chose to be the kangaroo…haha…nothing related to the topic…I know…but still..i guess I kinda like kangaroos…well I was the kangaroo and not the kid of the kangaroo who requires his mom to carry him/her ..okay fine “it”….from place to place…I tried to be independent…I started to make decisions on my own and jump across everywhere almost and browse the ugly world…I went through a lot of hard times..the literally tough ones…well they wernt all that hard but due to my choice of rejection towards the green-red frock had put me in this condition…


Lets rewind a little and commit to my memory…owakay…if I would have stayed with the green-red frock…people at the party would have admired me and said good things about me…If I acted a little like girls…I would have got married by now..haha(I saved my ass) and rather the other things….if I would have shifted I would have made scholar’s as my best friends and would have spent weeks planting tree and flowers…eating nutritious food…wearing frocks and having drivers taking me and my friends to the most interestingly boring plays…book fair and other classic stuffs…I could have been a real knowledgeable person…I would have had a SOPHESTICATED life which had books and outings and respect for parents…saloons and expensive gifts and clothes and all the things which requires to be perfect…but I guess I didn’t want that…I chose my friends who were into enjoying life and making the maximum of the given time…I chose people who loved walking streets with me…play and do hilarious humiliating things….i got a bunch of people who just were crazy and all they knew was to enjoy life…I started to get carried away by that wind of “cool people”….well company does matter so here I was all…a big city girl….i kept myself original and went with the flow…it price tagged me everything…I didn’t realize I wasn’t myself anymore and I got in almost all the disastrous condition where I knew nothing would ever save me from death…wait! If u r think some crap then for Christ sake …don’t….i didn’t do anything crap…I just got into the dark woods and got lost…..i thought my way to approach life would be easy and I took everything for granted…honestly I did wrong things…I do realize now that these things were wrong but kinda different from the WRONG THINGS definition… I got into cutting myself….i was addicted…i felt good about it…perhaps it was the only way I used to punish myself for caring about people who are not worth caring…doing things which was so not worth doing and in the end “fall”….i know this is wrong but there are somethings you wish you didn’t have done or could undo from your life and you realize that there is nothing you can do about it….thats when you punish yourself…I don’t think people in big cities punish themselves…but hell yea I did by hurting myself…grades went low…wrong things seemed nice to me…wait a min…wrong things don’t imply drinking smoking doping and night stands….its just getting to know wrong people and try to be with them because they want you to, else you live your life as a nerd…life is a bitch and ive accepted it…

And so on the Panvel station I looked upon at myself for once in those 19 minutes and thought if I could have been what my parents wanted me to be…I would have had that life of a princess….good grades….a good job…parents happy…very respected in the society and most loved…..amazing clothes….awesome shoes…the best bakery would have served me the fresh warm cakes…ball dances at parents office party…going in seminars…wining gold medals in studies…I would have been the one who would buy the most expensive things on this planet and eat dinner with forks and spoons…would have watched and explored places in the most delicate cars….i would have been the delicate darling…but I guess…It never felt like me….like I would have never stayed happy…I can do all these things but ive passed that stage where I could actually seek hands from my elders to walk through the path they made for me…but I guess I left their hand long back to make my own way with my choice and my principles…I fell again and again and most of the times the light on my way seemed to be blinding…I actually cannot go back and start everything over again and choose that princess life. Neither I can go and undo things that I did were wrong…neither I can go and tell my elders and everyone the long story of who I am now and what ive become and explain them the entire metamorphosis process….All I can do is go with what I have chosen….what I have chosen is my parents… friends…rusty music…my poems…some sports…and a career course….its getting very difficult for me to move ahead and make my own decisions…there are too many holes and I don’t know where I am stepping is a stone or a hole………. It seems like i am standing on some bridge and there are only two ways…. one leads to darkness and the other to sunshine…I don’t know which way to go and there is no one I can hold on to..because I was born alone and I have to find my way alone…


I just want to apologize to some people in my life….my dad would be the first one…
Dad if you are reading this…I really don’t know how I let myself into this “making my way” thing…I guess I would have been an ideal daughter and a far much better person than what I am now…but dad,I guess I wouldn’t have been happy as much as I am now…I know I have let you down like zillion times and I am ashamed of it too and I just want you to know…I promise you that some day I would actually make you proud…someday….i don’t know by doing what I could make you proud…but I know I will because you have given me everything I wanted to ever have without DEMANDING anything in return….i guess I can never be what you wanted me to be and all the bests you thought for me,…but I promise you I would be something someday that you would be for once, proud of, to be called as my Father…I guess ive never said these things to you before and its so kinda weird to blog about it….i hope we wont have any discussion over this when you come home…I love you but please I amnt saying that to you on your face…I just do!i just do…you’ve been the best I could have ever got! I guess I couldn’t be the one you wanted or designed ….dad its just so not me…its so not me…I know you understand what I mean and as you never stopped me from finding my way…I just want to thank you for everything.

Mom…..you are the most beautiful mother I could ever get…I wish I was like you….thanks for making me learn music…art and dance forcefully when I was young…I never knew that when I would grow up I would live for them…I guess you knew that…mom…I know past one year has been the worst for me and I troubled you the most in everyway…thanks for holding on with me…you are just a friends to me and I love you so much for that…I just want you to know that every word I said to you when I was all down and all I knew was ”DEATH”….i take them back…I am really sorry for asking you to kill me because I wasn’t able to hold on….i guess none of the kids on this planet would have begged for death from his/her parents ever and let them down like I did to you…with all the mistakes I did…I wanted to die and I didnt think about you but about myself in spite of me having the most precious thing “you” in my life…thanks so much for always being there…I love you the most and yes I will defiantly do what what you always wanted me to..i love you mom..



My friends…I have too many things to apologize to you all especially to kshiraja and karthik…you both have been there on the worst days of mine and let me survive and make it through….today the positive attitude I have is because of you both…I love you both so much….i made you sick by the way I behaved and everything I said and I know how difficult it is to handle a 49 kg female….i know everyone can guess that.…I love you guys so much….its just beyond words…what you have done for me…and yes it is…I will be thankful to you both throughout my life….
Karthik thanks for forcefully making me do whats right for me and
Kshiraja thanks so much for listening and taking me on the right path…
Apart from the K’s….i would thank a lot other people who have stood by me all the way through and I love you all…thankx for everything!

Lastly the green-red dress which I didn’t choose is the princess life and what I have chosen is the worn out jeans…..so hence this is a new year…with new beginnings…I guess the green-red frock wont be that bad on my jeans! Hahaha!i love you all…
I just want you all to tell me if what I chose that day was worth my life today or its just a mistake….i know I cant change it….but the above mentioned combo of both the choice is another option for me….This is the only best thing about a metropolitan city…it makes you have the worst of experiences and when you over come them, you find real happiness because it provides you with many opportunities……..

And so this ends this spring…..i started writing this last Christmas but completed later…I guess changes good sometimes……things don’t always have to match from the start till the end…like it started with a Christmas and ends with another!hahahhaha!It can be beautiful in its own way…like I feel today!

<3

Musical Mind!

Hahaha! Again it’s not a blog…it’s just some random musical thoughts with some random artists! It’s about mizikal creativity! hehehehehehe! Its stupid so hold on to your chairs and close your eyes till u r done scrollin down till the end of the page!:P

One GREENDAY, I made a SIMPLE PLAN to go to LINKIN PARK with my SNOOP DOG! In the park I met AVRIL LAVIGNE. She offered me SUM 41 EMINEMs(m&m). After I ate them I turned PINK. I ran to Dr.ZEUS. He checked on me and told me that I had got C-21 disease. He then called up my DADY YANKY, but he was busy. Then he tried LIL MAMA’s number but no response. Mean while came in THE VERONICAS with the same problem and the first glance I said “U2”. The doctor took me in a room and made me wear a PLANE WHITE T(ee) and poured some BLUE glue kinda stuff into my eye. I BLINK(ed) 182 tymes and cried “WOLF MOTHER”.After 5 hours I came back in2 my senses…I gave the doctor a hug and paid him 50 CENTS and got a NICKEL BACK. I was too hungry and I stopped by NORAH JONES and had a MC FLY with KELLY CLARKSON.

The next week I again went to JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE to collect some TIMBER(LAND) woods from the forest nearby. I saw GORRILAS, EAGLES and ARTIC MONKEY’s in the forest. I ran outta fear and stated to step up on some JOSS STONES. In hurry i got stung by SCORPIONs and the STING made me cry out high. I somehow managed to run and get a TAXI RIDE. The car got CRASH(ed) and I was SMASH(ed).I fell THREE DOORS DOWN my building and lost my senses. After that I don’t know what happened…I just saw myself in a room with my posters and legs hanging. The difference was that my posters were hanging on the wall and my legs hanging on a balanced rod. I somehow prayed to god and told myself “SMILE EMPTY SOUL, it will be alright”.

I was getting bored at hospital so I thought of getting my laptop on and writing a new SCRIPT but my tough luck proved that it was SYSTEM OF A DOWN. Then I opened my bag and started to play with my PUSSY CAT DOLLS. Nurse got me some RED HOT CHLLIE PEPPERS and some BLACK EYED PEAS to eat.i turned on the T.V. and started to watch (ASHLEE\JASSICA\the) SIMPONS. That week I had only one visitor, the mayor of the BOMBAY ROCKERS, JOHN MAYOR who had put on a lot of SAFARI DU(e)O!
Two weeks from then the doctor came to open my plaster and I asked “OASIS?”.the doctor said “yes”! I started to crunch out some LIMPBISKITS. My JOANA BROTHERS came in to meet me. I saw some GUNS AND ROSES on the table, thought the doctor’s gonna get me a cool piercing done with some cool TATU’s too…but it wasn’t so…it was for the S** PISTOL’s of that old policeman who was the in charge of my road rash accident. Now I am back in my flat and watching the the god’s COLD PLAY in my life and wishing everything to get well soon!

To be continued . . .

Megalomania

Here I go again…now you might be wondering what could be the next state of my mind…well its obvious…. Deliver a blog which so not is a blog about the stuff which I go through every day! Well just got this term…”Megalomania”………don’t worry I didn’t make this word up! Besides using “me getting this term” isn’t that correct…..i should rather use this:”I am surrounded with 90% of people who are suffering from Megalomania”….Take it from me! So it’s not tolerable by me as you can guess….coz whatever I don’t like I post my views on them….Remember your views don’t have to be the same!
So you might be wondering what’s this big huge “M” word??? Here it goes: Megalomania is an unrealistic belief in one's superiority, grandiose abilities, and even omnipotence. It is characterized by a need for total power and control over others, and is marked by a lack of empathy for anything that is perceived as not feeding the self.
Now you might be wondering “oh! My god!, is this something scientific???”, yea it certainly is but then I don’t let things stay scientific anyway! So here it goes:
A guy walking down the street….heard about LIVERPOOL…and then people talking about it…..He walks down the street wondering what’s so crazy about it that people are so engrossed in the “L” word talk….He walks home….still that thought in his head…..comes the next day after doing his partial homework…(This includes asking people what that “L” stuff is and not actually surfing the net or television…I hope he knows that its not the stuff in his course material…*Bwaaaah!*)and walks down the same street into that whole huge crowd….
Guy: Yea…you are right!
Others:Oh!man!its so cool…You are into football too???
Guy:Yea!(smiling shamelessly)
Others:so how was “Torres “ z shot….man!amazing…he saved the club….
After 45 mins of the conversation….the guys hits the other guy and says:Hey who tu “Torrreff” wali shirt pehen na..fattay lagega!
And everyone around thought he had a “F” word disorder but actually he didn’t know the stuff but was trying to show he knows it all being so confident coz he thought he knew everything….that partial information was complete information for him and he is living with this fact!
Well this is nothing related to the M disorder….its the beginning….he became a fan…with the L word and still is the same and thinks he knows it all….and brags about it….the stuff he talks is still the same…S**T!
NOTE: I amnt any Liverpool fan…and I don’t know much about football…all I know is my team and some other team and respective members and the rules of the game coz I played from my school for two consecutive years!
Although megalomania is a term often ascribed to anyone who is power-hungry, the clinical definition is that of a mental illness associated with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD).This hold true for that school guy of mine!
Some girls in my class….now I would not like to specify my school and which school or college….they thought they were like the god made beauties and oh my god everyone was dying over them to ask them out….they thought they were rich…beautiful….different…better than others…..
Now I would actually demand from them simple explanations:
Did god ask you what container you were suppose to be put into and with what colour and with what features???what shape and what size??? Or did you design yourself??? Why being proud over something you haven’t achieved by yourself….
Money….here there are 2 kinds according to my knowledge…
Type 1: poverty poverty poverty…..and suddenly lot of money by hard work sometimes and with luck! People become proudy…even if its your hard work… why being proudy….haven’t you heard, money comes and goes?then what is it to be proud of???
Type2:”My papa’z very rich…he will pay for all this”,ya now dance on your papa’s money…people,that liverpool guy, very proudy…”my papa’s money na…I have this,do u have this?…No!okay…my papa bought me this and that and he will buy this and that…when I went to this place in this aircraft with this filmstar and *blablaz*….by the way how much is your balance…what you don’t have a bank account….Okay I will catch you later!” Dumb ass! Papa’s earning and son is spending along with his proudy attitude!from where this logic is developed???
“Love yourself”,it holds true for a lot of people…and yes it does…now what??? Narcissism is most simply defined as self-love. Though it is considered healthy to care about your own well-being and have a healthy self-esteem, when someone loves himself to the exclusion of all else and others become objectified to be used only to serve the self, this is no longer considered healthy or normal.
One of the most well known examples of megalomania in modern history was Adolf Hitler. A street waif, Hitler wasn't content rising through the ranks to become the military leader of Germany. His megalomania drove him to aspire to conquer the entire world. Being born into a "superior race" also wasn't enough for the mentally ill Hitler. Instead, he wanted to wipe out all other races. This need to destroy everything outside of what he perceived as an extension of himself is a classic though horrifically illustrated example of megalomania. Paradoxically, a person who exhibits such tremendous ego and self-confidence in reality has such low self-esteem and such a fragile ego that he cannot abide any expression other than his own, for fear of annihilation of the self. Therefore everything that is not under his control is perceived as a threat.
I always go like…Haha!hhaha!haha!hahahah!hahah!haha! when I meet such megalomaniac people…but now I should actually help them out….i talk to them but their inner self is so filled with wrong assumptions of their own…I feel sorry for my self to not be able to help them out!haha!its funny but I dunoo what to say!!!

~Peace Out!~